From Child to Social Science Experiment

In this post, I want to share a story of what transformed me into the man I am today. I hope you read my introduction post, but if not, I advise you to read it before you get started. With this post, you will see how I unknowingly used myself at a young age as a subject to a social science experiment that helped me learn how to be a man and what it truly means.

 I recently had a debatable discussion with my sister when she stated how she can't teach my oldest nephew how to be a man. Suppose we look at social norms in the world at this moment on the male's role in a fatherly relationship, those who are present and aren't, and the male's effectiveness in teaching a young boy what it means to be a man. In my opinion, there is a case we can argue that it is not as effective as we assume. I countered the statement with a question that would cause anyone to rethink that belief. My question is, if a respected man abused a woman, physically or verbally, but no one knew until it was later exposed, would one consider him a man? Debatably I argued that women have a standard of defining a man. We often have heard and continue to hear the statement "he's not a man," then we can argue that a woman has the ability to teach a young boy how to be a man, which is being responsible and respectful and the standard we as males live by, and is what my post will demonstrate from my life journey.

"Responsibility is the thing people dread most of all. Yet it is the one thing in the world that develops us, gives us manhood or womanhood fiber."

-­Frank Crane-

 

How it all started 

As a five-year-old child, stopping to look at the TV show my great-grandmother was watching and seeing that beautiful woman that made me want marriage caused me to make the best life decision I could ever have made. I went from a curious five-year-old kid to a kid that transformed himself into what I realized today as a social science experiment.

When I was between twelve and thirteen years old, which was a vital age for me almost eight years later, I was curious about so much in life and hurting because I didn't have my father in my life. I had a great relationship with the two most important people and women in my life in my mom and my grandmother. My mom was still a young adult in her early thirties and living the life as a young adult, so I was really close to my grandmother. I need to point out that I was a mom's boy and helped her with her hair. I'd give my opinion on the clothes she would wear and often talked to my mom about what excited me. When I got sick, and I was a sickly kid, my mom was my comfort, and I would lie on her lap or next to her. However, I had so many questions at this age that I didn't feel that one person could answer, which was the word I heard often used or discussed.  

I grew into this age wanting to be married that started at five-years-old, so in my early teen years, I was even more curious about love and what it all means. I was somewhat a shy kid when it came to dating, and not having a father made me wonder what love meant even more. I had a stepdad, but we weren't close, so for me to learn about manhood, it had to be all on my own.

The Day I Started to Ask Questions

One day, I walked to my grandmother's house from the basketball court, as I often did, thinking about love and what it all meant. As I was walking, I thought about what I could do to learn all about this word. I knew the different forms of abuse in my environment weren't love, even though I saw people used the word before or after they abused women in my environment. Every once in a while, when I paid attention, I heard women talk about love. There was a girl I was friends with who lived down the street from my grandmother's house, and I was head over hills for her. I knew I felt something, but I didn't know what to call it because I had no clue what love was or if that was even what I was feeling.

I was standing in my grandmother's front yard, and I contemplated what I could do to learn about love. I came up with an idea, and it was the only source of information I had access to given the environment I lived in. I decided to go right to the source of where I often heard love discussed; women! I made up my mind to listen attentively to women and everything they said about love and ask them and teen girls who were my friends' questions to gain more knowledge and understanding on love. I decided to practice everything they said a man should do and break the habits of things they said a man shouldn't do.

The Conversation that Sewn a Seed of Manhood

One day, my grandmother, who I loved dearly, had a conversation with me when no one else was around us because she wanted me to truly hear what she was saying to me, about how I would grow to be this amazing man as a father, husband, and friend. She said that I would graduate college and become the most successful and reach all my dreams. This conversation was much more elaborate in what my grandmother described as the man I would become, and it was a defining moment in my life.

A Student of Life

I look at how my life has gone and see that this small step I took turned into a massive volt of information that has taught me so much in life about love, relationships, listening, understanding someone, and communication in general. My studies have gone from having conversations with people to years of research, reading other reviews. The greatest thing of all is I have learned so much from me listening to the women I came across, which has taught me what it truly means to be a man. I have learned that women have a meaning of what a man should be and are, and it is the same meaning that most of society has. Being a man is more than what most of us guys define a man as; being a man is a standard we practice every day. 

At thirty-eight now, a father, college graduate, I pride myself on effective communication. I don't block my emotion, and my daughter has often seen me without any guards up. As I said in my previous post, if one word describes me, it would be love. I have learned so much from women in my environment, which has formed me into a man that no man could ever have taught me to be. I've seen, conversed with, worked with, and hung with men that had a father in their life, but they still fail at the one thing that matters the most, which is the standard of being a man.

"Self-love is the source of all our other loves."

-Pierre Corneille-

 

Love has significant meaning, and when you allow yourself to learn what it truly means, you will learn new things about yourself and the people you surround yourself with. In my search for love, I have found myself, and my confidence has become one of the most prominent traits that I possess. My journey in learning love has opened the opportunity to gain knowledge in so many areas. It has taught me to listen and, most importantly, understand those I communicate with. This social science experiment is what transformed me into a curious five-year-old boy that later became a six-grade dropout, into a college graduate, independently intelligent, loving father and uncle who pride himself on communicating effectively.

 

"A flower cannot blossom without sunshine, and a man cannot live without love." –Max Muller-

 

Subscribe and Leave a Comment