For a Brief Moment She Adored Me

 

The last time I posted, I have had numerous things happen. At times I felt I should write, but I couldn’t get myself to tell my story as if something deep within me wouldn’t allow me to say what I felt, or maybe it was I wasn’t listening to the right music, which is when I can write freely.

 

I sit here struggling to tell my story tonight, and not because I have nothing to say because I have many things to talk about, but it is what I should share. I recently had a conversation for the first time with the girl of my dreams. When I first saw her was around 17 years ago, in 2004. I recall that date like it was yesterday, and my breath was completely taken. Over those years, I was constantly misunderstood by so many, and especially her. For most of the time I have known of her, we never talked, but in the beginning, I heard constant criticism that was passed to me from a couple of people that I will refrain from identifying. Prior to a recent night, I always kept my distance as much as possible, but deep down inside I wanted to have a stimulating conversation with her. After many years have passed, I’ve learned so much about her, and I realized most things that give us meaning we have in common. I wonder if she knows this, but most likely she doesn’t, and part of me is afraid if she knew this she would only exile me. Why would she go to such extremes? Well, because we come from different lifestyles. She is an amazing woman, though, and just like Romeo and Juliet, sometimes what should be a beautiful story is often more tragic in the end.

 

However, on a stormy night, I was presented with an unexpected opportunity to talk to this beautiful woman, who I adore. I spoke to her about a video she sent to me on messenger to watch. Now we often comment on each other social media, but we never have an in-depth conversation. We briefly talked about the video, and then we stopped. Afterward, I was planning on leaving, but it was raining really badly, so I decided to stay and sit. I watch her talk, which I wasn’t a part of this conversation. Before I spoke the next time, I listened attentively and debated whether I wanted to say anything because the conversation that was taking place I wasn’t a part of it; I just so happen to walk in on it. As she spoke, she looked over at me, which it was a sign she included me in the conversation, but I still hesitated because I didn’t want to intrude or even get her judgment if I say something wrong, so I sat there still listening.

 

She continued to talk, and at some point, as she spoke, I didn’t say anything until she made some statement that gave me a burning desire to ask a question. I didn’t expect this conversation between her and me, and it turned out to be the best conversation I had with anyone I’ve met. It was a great bonding time and something I could ever only dream about, and at one point, she put her elbow on the table and laid her head again, her hand holding up her head and stared at me with a smile. I know this probably wasn't the case, but for that brief moment, it felt as if she adored me for the first time.

 

That night, I wish I could have many nights and even days talking with her about life, love, music, musicals, plays, and movies, etc. I wish I could sit next to her over a glass of red wine and just talk to her, having an in-depth conversation. I wish she could see my goofy and humorous side, and we just laugh in peace together. I wish we could share life together, but out of the abundance of respect I have for her, it is only a wish that I refuse to pursue at this point in my life.